Parenting Perspective 

Filling the Connection Tank Before the Chaos Begins 

When children sabotage plans – such as suddenly “forgetting” their shoes, starting to tease a sibling, or demanding a drink of water just as you reach the door – they are typically not defying your schedule; they are, in fact, signalling an empty connection tank. Their behaviour essentially says, “See me before you leave me.” The effective remedy is not tighter control, but rather the provision of earlier attention. A brief, predictable pre-transition connection ritual provides the child with the security they seek in a regulated manner, thus removing their need to create disruption to feel acknowledged. 

Begin with a “Ten-Minute Tune-In” before key transitions, such as the school run, errands, or family events. Sit or stand close to your child, ensure all phones are set aside, and allow the child to choose one micro-activity. This might include sharing thoughts about breakfast, a quick drawing, or playing a game of “guess my feeling.” Your calm, exclusive attention signals security. When it is time to transition, use a warm physical touch and a clear cue: ‘We have had our time; now we must move.’ Because their emotional need was met intentionally, they are significantly less likely to meet it destructively. 

Building a Rhythm That Front-Loads Attention 

Children flourish when they can anticipate when your eyes and ears will belong solely to them. It is important to create small, rhythmic anchor points throughout the day that are not contingent upon their behaviour: 

• Morning anchor: A brief snuggle or a shared dua (supplication) before the day begins. 

• After-school check-in: Two minutes of uninterrupted time to share one “best” moment and one “hard” moment. 

• Evening reset: A joint clean-up activity followed by a calm conversation or a story. 

These anchors assure the child, “You do not need to steal my time; you already have a guaranteed share.” If you know that mornings are high-risk for plan derailment, schedule the richest attention before this time – even five minutes of focused connection can preempt 30 minutes of resulting chaos. 

To reinforce this, use language that clearly separates the child’s need from their tactic: ‘You wanted me, so you caused trouble. Next time, please use your words. I will always make time for you.’ Praise early bids for attention – “You asked before acting, and I heard you” – so that honest communication feels rewarding to the child as mischief once did. 

Using Micro-Connections During Transitions 

Even with excellent routines, busy moments can still trigger attempts to gain attention. Sprinkle micro-connections throughout these times: offer gentle eye contact, a squeeze of the shoulder, or share a small inside joke. These silent gestures remind the child that you are still emotionally present even while managing practical logistics. If they begin testing boundaries, respond with warmth and predictability, never surprise: ‘I can see that you want my attention. Let us save that for our proper talk after we arrive.’ Over time, consistent micro-connections train patience and cultivate trust, teaching the child that emotional closeness is not lost during movement or busy moments. 

Protecting the Rhythm with Boundaries 

Connection does not equate to unlimited access. It is vital to guard your attention to rituals like appointments: they must be consistent but also contained. Use visual timers or short songs to effectively mark transitions, which helps the child feel closure rather than rejection. When they do derail the plans, guide their reflection later: ‘Our morning went off track because you needed me. Let us plan to start our connection time earlier tomorrow.’ Each gentle reset teaches responsibility without causing shame. 

The key lies in rhythm over rescue – providing steady, bite-sized attention daily rather than crisis-based attention when you are already under stress. 

Spiritual Insight 

Establishing Calm Through Order and Consistency 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rahman (55), Verse 7: 

‘And the layers of trans-universal existence are elevated with precise (gravitational) balance.’  

This verse serves as a powerful reminder that harmony emerges through measured balance (mizan), not through chaos. A predictable family rhythm directly reflects that divine order. By giving your child consistent moments of attention – neither too much nor too little – you mirror the balance that Allah Almighty loves. Each small routine of connection becomes an act of mercy, safeguarding the household from emotional disorder and modelling the Quranic principle of mizan. 

Love Expressed Through Early Attention 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2319, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When one of you loves his brother, let him tell him that he loves him.’ 

Although this hadith speaks generally, its wisdom fits the parenting context beautifully: love must be expressed early and openly, and not be reserved for moments of tension. When you intentionally offer affection, listening, and gentle acknowledgement before conflict has a chance to arise, you give love a clear voice – ensuring your child does not have to shout for it through misbehaviour. Each intentional routine of connection becomes a living Sunnah of mercy: love declared before disruption, closeness offered before chaos, and peace chosen before pressure.