Parenting Perspective 

Pause the Spiral — Then Reset Calmly 

Every parent occasionally reinforces the very behaviour they wish to stop—by reacting emotionally, engaging in a lecture, or showing clear frustration. The good news is that one slip does not undo the learning if you handle the next moment with wisdom. As soon as you realise you ‘fed’ the behaviour, you must immediately stop the emotional spiral: 

1. Pause: Take one visible deep breath, soften your shoulders, and become quiet. This pause signals a change of state to both your own nervous system and your child’s. 

2. Reset: Name the change simply: ‘That was too much talking from me. Let us start again.’ You are modelling accountability, not guilt. 

Children watch what you do after a mistake more closely than the mistake itself. When you recover calmly, you teach them emotional repair. Avoid trying to explain or justify your reaction in that moment—words keep the attention loop alive. Instead, silently switch back to your defined behaviour plan: maintain a neutral face during any drama, and offer immediate praise for any sign of calm. Think of it as gently flipping the light switch back to “off” for the chaos and “on” for calm. 

Repair the Relationship Without Rewarding the Act 

Once calm returns, give short relational repair, not a reward for the past antics. 

• Own Your Consistency: Move near, make eye contact, and say, ‘I spoke when I meant to stay quiet. I will try again next time.’ This keeps trust intact while preserving the boundary. You do not apologise for having a limit; you apologise for breaking your own consistency. 

• Separate Emotion from Consequence: If your reaction included a raised voice or frustration, repair in two clear steps: (1) apologise briefly—‘I shouted, and that was wrong’; (2) reset the expectation—‘We still clean up together now.’ You are definitively separating your momentary emotion from the necessary consequence. 

• Neutral Ride-Out: If your reaction immediately triggered more behaviour, ride it out neutrally until the wave completely passes. Then, quietly praise the very first moment of calm: ‘You are breathing slower now—that helps us both.’ This reconnects love and guidance without feeding the attention to the chaos that came just before. 

Reflect and Adjust Your Triggers 

After the moment passes and you are alone, take one minute to note what specifically pulled you in. 

• Identify Triggers: Was it embarrassment (public setting)? Guilt (you were tired)? Pressure (running late)? 

• Design Defences: Use this data to design defences: 

• Embarrassment: Rehearse a private neutral face for public moments. 

• Guilt: Remind yourself, ‘Boundaries are necessary care, not cruelty.’ 

• Pressure: Plan earlier transitions to reduce reactive energy. 

You can even share your self-check with your child in a humble way: ‘Mummy is practising calm the same way you are. We both get better with practice.’ This turns your mistake into an opportunity for teamwork. 

Use Repair as Teaching Material 

When the time is right—perhaps at bedtime or the next day—turn the event into a moment of gentle reflection: ‘Remember when I talked too much during your tantrum? That showed how easy it is to get pulled in. Let us both practise pause–breathe–wait next time.’ This humility teaches your child that authority and humanity can coexist. 

Finally, quietly reward yourself for catching the pattern. Awareness is growth. Every moment of calm recovery strengthens your discipline muscle and shortens the next storm. 

Spiritual Insight 

Ayah: Learn and Correct with Humility 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), Verse 53: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins; indeed, He is the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful”.’ 

Parenting mistakes fall directly under this divine mercy. This verse reminds you that slips are not cause to drown in guilt, but are invitations to return with sincerity and correct the course. When you catch yourself reacting impulsively and choose an immediate, calm correction instead, you live this ayah practically—acknowledging error, seeking forgiveness, and re-aligning with mercy. This mindful self-compassion helps you extend the same understanding and patience to your child that Allah Almighty extends to you. 

Hadith: The Strong Are Those Who Regain Control 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

You may have momentarily ‘fed’ the behaviour, but the standard of true strength lies in how swiftly you reclaim your composure. When you visibly breathe, reset, and speak kindly after reacting, you actively embody this Hadith. You are showing your child that self-control is an active, spiritual skill—not the complete absence of anger, but the effective management of it. Every calm recovery becomes a live demonstration of Islamic character (akhlaaq): steady, forgiving, and self-aware. Over time, both you and your child learn that mistakes are not final—they are necessary steps toward mastery, guided by mercy and strengthened by patience.