Parenting Perspective 

When a child tells a sibling not to seek fairness but to gain your favour, they are often communicating a deeper emotional need for attention or validation. It is important to recognise this as a relational moment, not a disciplinary one. Your response should aim to calm the power dynamic rather than fuel it. A child who reports a sibling’s mistake with a gleeful tone is not seeking justice; they are seeking affirmation that you are on their side. This habit, if not handled thoughtfully, can erode sibling trust and create a rivalry masked as moral alertness. 

Distinguish Between Reporting and Manipulating 

Not all telling is negative, and a parent must calmly discern the motive behind it. If there is genuine harm or danger, the child’s alertness should be appreciated. However, when the tone carries exaggeration, pride, or a hidden agenda, it signals competition rather than conscience. A simple pause before reacting can help you to respond wisely. Instead of praising the tattler, acknowledge their concern but guide them towards a better motive by saying, ‘Thank you for caring, but next time, try to help your brother do the right thing instead of just telling me.’ 

Avoid Rewarding the Behaviour 

Every time you immediately side with the tattling child, they learn that snitching equals approval. It is crucial to stay neutral. Give both children the space to share their perspectives later, or handle the matter privately without an audience. You can say, ‘I will handle it, thank you. You do not need to worry about what your sister did.’ This response subtly removes the emotional reward of tattling and reminds them that fairness does not require public validation. 

Teach Empathy and Conflict Resolution 

After emotions have settled, use the situation as a teaching moment. Help the child to imagine how their sibling might feel when their mistake is exposed or they are embarrassed. You could ask, ‘If someone shared your mistake like that, how would you feel?’ Gradually shift their focus from winning your attention to protecting harmony within the family. Encourage phrases such as, ‘Let us help him fix it,’ instead of, ‘Mum, look what he did!’ Over time, empathy can replace manipulation, and unity can overcome rivalry. 

Model Confidentiality and Justice 

Children mirror what they observe. If they frequently see parents discussing the faults of others, they will absorb the idea that gossip earns attention. Instead, you should model discretion. Let your children witness you speaking respectfully about others, even when correcting their mistakes. This demonstrates that justice in Islam is rooted in humility, not in a feeling of superiority. When you consistently model fairness without drama, you send a powerful message that loyalty to the truth does not mean disloyalty to love. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that all actions are ultimately judged by their intentions. When a child exposes another person simply to earn praise, it mirrors the adult tendency to seek a sense of moral superiority. True righteousness, however, is quiet and compassionate. Allah Almighty values hearts that promote reconciliation, not division. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 12: 

‘Those of you who have believed, abstain as much as you can from cynical thinking (about one another); as some of that cynical thinking is a sin; and do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others…’ 

This verse reminds parents that exposing the faults of others, especially within the family, can be a spiritual harm disguised as moral vigilance. Teaching children to guard their tongues, verify their intentions, and uphold the dignity of others is a direct application of this verse at home. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ consistently guided believers to conceal the faults of others, not to expose them for personal advantage. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2590, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults on the Day of Resurrection.’ 

This Hadith beautifully captures the divine reward for showing mercy and discretion. When parents reinforce this principle, children learn that goodness is not about being seen as right, but about doing what is right. You can translate this lesson into a family habit: when someone makes a mistake, the aim is to help them fix it quietly, not to announce it loudly. By repeatedly linking fairness to compassion, you teach that justice without gentleness can become arrogance. In your home, when a child tattles purely to win you over, you can gently return the moment to its spiritual truth: ‘Allah loves those who protect others’ dignity.’ Over time, that reminder softens hearts, dissolves rivalry, and plants the seeds of sincerity.