Parenting Perspective 

Treat This as a Character Lesson, Not a Crime 

When a child repeatedly borrows items, such as pencils, glue sticks, or even money, and forgets to return them, it often signals confusion about ownership and responsibility. Begin the conversation calmly: ‘Borrowing means you intend to return an item. Taking it without returning it becomes keeping, which is unfair.’ Avoid using labels like ‘thief’ or ‘liar’, as these can wound the heart and encourage secrecy. Instead, focus on truth and trust: ‘I know you are a good person. We will practise how to make things right together.’ 

Encourage Empathy 

Guide your child towards empathy through reflection, not guilt. Ask a simple question like, ‘If you lent your favourite pen to a friend and it never came back, how would you feel?’ Allow a moment of silence for them to think. Then, connect their answer to the necessary action: ‘That is why we must always return what we borrow, or replace it if it is lost.’ Emotional awareness grows best through calm dialogue, not confrontation. 

Restore Trust Through Visible Restitution 

The repair must match the harm, not exceed it. Guide your child to return the item personally with a short, clear apology: ‘I borrowed this and forgot to give it back. I am sorry.’ If the item is lost, help them to replace it. Do not do it for them; instead, walk them through the process of using their own allowance or earning the money to buy a replacement. This allows them to see restitution as an act of empowerment and maturity, rather than a punishment. 

Teach a Structured Borrowing Routine 

Create a simple three-step rule for borrowing that is easy to remember. 

1. Ask: ‘May I borrow this until tomorrow?’ 

2. Record: Write the lender’s name and the item on a sticky note or in a notebook. 

3. Return: Place the item in their schoolbag the same day to be returned. 

Practise this routine at home with family objects before expecting perfection at school. Turning it into a short, consistent ritual helps the body learn it as a habit. 

Collaborate Discreetly with Teachers 

Inform the teacher of your plan privately: ‘We are currently practising the habit of returning borrowed items. Please could you let me know when you notice them remembering on their own?’ This approach prevents shame in the classroom and makes the teacher an ally in building responsibility, rather than an isolated disciplinarian. 

Celebrate Small Steps of Integrity 

When your child remembers to return something on time, mark the success with warmth: ‘You gave that back without a reminder. That shows real strength and honesty.’ Quiet, consistent reinforcement builds a sense of pride in being reliable and helps them see that ‘borrowing without returning’ is immature, not clever. 

Gently Address Hidden Motives 

Sometimes, chronic borrowing can mask other needs, such as embarrassment over lost supplies, a desire for social status, or anxiety about asking for help. Explore these possibilities with compassion: ‘Do you sometimes borrow because you feel shy about asking us for new things?’ Meeting the root need is far more effective at preventing repetition than punishment alone. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Qur’anic View on Trusts 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mu’minoon (23), Verses 8-9: 

‘And those people who are responsible in the execution of all matters entrusted to them, and promised by them. And those people that secure their prayers (from any frivolous thoughts).‘ 

In Islam, trusts (amanah) include borrowed items, responsibilities, and even promises. This verse links the keeping of promises and the returning of belongings with the same seriousness as prayer, showing that both are signs of true faith. Teaching your child to treat borrowed objects as an amanah plants the seed of honesty at the core of their character. 

The Prophetic Command to Fulfil Trusts 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1264, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Render back the trust to the one who entrusted you, and do not betray the one who betrays you.’ 

This hadith transforms every borrowed pencil, book, or lunchbox into a sacred trust. Explain to your child: ‘Even when others forget, we must return what is theirs because Allah Almighty is always watching how we keep our trusts.’ Encourage them to whisper ‘Bismillah’ when borrowing and ‘Alhamdulillah’ when returning, turning a simple act into one of worship. 

By handling this issue gently, you teach that every time they return something that is not theirs, it is an act of faith. Returning borrowed items becomes more than just good manners; it becomes an integral part of their Imaan.