Parenting Perspective 

At the root of this behaviour is a child’s need for emotional safety and non-judgemental listening. When they choose their friends over their parents for their confidences, it is rarely a rejection of your love. Instead, it signals that they perceive their friends as less likely to respond with criticism or consequences. Acknowledging this is the first step to rebuilding trust. 

Seek to Understand, Not Just to Respond 

Rather than reacting with disappointment, pause and inquire gently. Ask questions that show curiosity, not control: ‘Can you tell me what makes it feel easier to talk to your friends about this?’ This approach validates their feelings while giving you insight. You can make this a habit by creating a short, five-minute window of uninterrupted listening each day, which communicates that their words are respected. 

Model Confidentiality and Empathy 

Children often fear that sharing personal matters will lead to lectures or judgement from their parents. You can rebuild their trust by showing them that their secrets are safe with you (unless their well-being is at risk). Saying, ‘Thank you for trusting me with this. I will not share it, and right now I just want to understand how you are feeling,’ mirrors the trust they experience with friends but grounds it in the depth of parental care. 

Balance Guidance with Freedom 

After you have listened fully, offer your guidance gently rather than issuing immediate corrections. If they share a worry, you might say, ‘I understand why you felt anxious about that. Let us think together about some small steps you could take.’ This reinforces the idea that openness is a safe and valuable act that leads to support, not criticism. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings place great importance on trust, mercy, and compassionate listening as integral parts of nurturing relationships.¹ Creating an environment where a child feels safe to share their heart reflects the prophetic model of patience and empathy, which strengthens both family bonds and spiritual growth. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 36: 

‘And worship Allah (Almighty) only, and do not ascribe to anything instead of Him (Allah Almighty); (which amounts to  icon worshipping/paganism); and with parents (proceed with them favourably), and with close relatives and friends and impoverished (people); and your neighbour that is close to your neighbourhood, and the neighbour that is remote from you; and the companion by your side and the traveller and those (women) that are legally bound to you…’ 

This verse highlights the profound importance of kindness and attentiveness in all our relationships, including with our own children. When parents honour the trust of their children by listening with care, they are exemplifying the very mercy that Allah commands. 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 3252, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family.’ 

By actively listening and creating a safe space for your child, you demonstrate the practical application of this prophetic mercy. A child who experiences this will learn that sharing with their parents is not just safe but enriching, building a foundation of honesty and trust. When you prioritise empathetic listening over immediate correction, your child will gradually begin to see their home not just as a house, but as a true sanctuary of understanding and guidance.