Parenting Perspective 

Children live in a world that often glorifies winning—top grades, medals, or immediate social approval. If praise appears only after a victory, it subtly teaches them that learning without an external reward is inherently insufficient. To ensure praise is genuinely developmental, parents must intentionally shift its focus from mere achievement to the unfolding process of discovery, active curiosity, and dedicated perseverance. 

Step 1: Praise Curiosity Before Correctness 

When your child asks a thoughtful, insightful question, respond with warmth and sincerity even if they do not yet know the correct answer. Say, ‘I love how you are thinking about this problem,’ or ‘That is a remarkably clever question.’ This teaches them that genuine learning begins in wonder, not in the expectation of perfection. The ultimate reward is thus moved from the result to the act of inquiry. 

Step 2: Praise Persistence During Challenge 

When your child confronts a difficult concept or skill, acknowledge the sincere effort within the struggle: ‘I saw how long you stayed with that, even when the details were confusing.’ Such words directly link your praise to emotional stamina, which is the true, sustaining fuel of lifelong learning. 

Step 3: Detach Praise from Comparison 

Actively avoid competitive statements like, ‘You did much better than others.’ Instead, phrase it simply: ‘You did better than before.’ This gentle linguistic change ensures that progress remains personal, not competitive. It successfully turns improvement into a self measuring journey, rather than a frantic race for external validation. 

Step 4: Highlight Strategies, Not Just Outcomes 

Comment specifically on how they approached the task. Say, ‘I liked how you consciously broke that problem into smaller parts,’ or ‘You tried a completely new method to see if it would work—that was smart.’ By naming the successful strategy, you help your child become acutely conscious of how learning works. This teaches essential self reflection, which is the foundational seed of self directed learning. 

Step 5: Let Mistakes Share the Stage 

After an error or setback, guide them with words that honour resilience: ‘You corrected that yourself; that demonstrates real focus and attention.’ By consciously including mistakes in the narrative of praise, you make them an acceptable, necessary part of success, not a source of shame. 

Step 6: Celebrate Learning Moments Outside Academics 

Broaden their definition of ‘learning’ by praising moments of emotional and moral growth. Praise a child for learning how to comfort a distressed friend, successfully solve a disagreement, or calmly manage their frustration. When knowledge and kindness are praised equally, the child internalises the fact that wisdom and character matter far more than mere victory. 

A valuable micro action: at the end of each week, ask your child, ‘What did you learn this week that made you think differently?’ Record their answers on slips of paper and place them in a designated ‘Learning Jar’. Review these slips monthly to visibly show how the child’s mind and heart have grown, not just what grades they have achieved. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the sincere pursuit of knowledge (ilm) is considered an act of profound worship. The holy Prophet Muhammad `ﷺ` greatly valued the sincere pursuit of understanding above worldly status or fleeting recognition, teaching that sustained effort for knowledge carries its own spiritual light. This perspective gently reframes the concept of ‘winning’ as continuous learning guided by humility and sincerity. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran in Surah Taaha (20), Verse 114: 

‘…And say: “O my Sustainer, increase for me (the parameters) of) knowledge”.’ 

This powerful verse frames learning itself as a lifelong prayer, not a competition against others. When parents humbly remind their children of this, they teach that true success is not found in finishing first, but in growing wiser with sincerity and patience every day. Every honest question, every moment of deep reflection, can thus be seen as an answered prayer. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 224, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon every Muslim.’ 

This Hadith anchors the fundamental act of learning as a spiritual duty, not merely a worldly race for status. It affirms that every learner—be they fast or slow, naturally gifted or sincerely struggling—is fulfilling a sacred command from Allah Almighty. When praise consciously mirrors this divine perspective, it uplifts without comparing, encourages without undue pressure, and reminds the child that their personal journey of understanding is already noble in the eyes of Allah Almighty. 

By consciously directing praise toward curiosity, persistence, and reflection, you raise a child who learns not for immediate applause but for illumination and inner clarity. Over time, they will learn to measure their true worth not by external trophies, but by the light of understanding that grows quietly and steadily within their heart—where learning itself becomes the ultimate victory.