Parenting Perspective 

When parents offer affirmation, the underlying intent is always love, but the ultimate impact depends critically on the phrasing chosen. Some words can inflate the ego (‘You are the best’), while others nurture profound humility (‘You worked with great focus today’). The crucial difference lies in whether the praise centres on self importance or deep self awareness. Children who are perpetually told they are exceptional may begin to believe their value is in being superior to others, not within themselves. Yet, when their effort is acknowledged using grounded, precise language, they successfully develop dignity without falling prey to pride. 

Focusing on Effort, Not Identity 

Instead of affixing a label to your child B ‘You are so hardworking’ B draw attention to the specific, observable actions they performed: ‘You kept practising even when the task became difficult.’ This method effectively separates their self worth from potentially harmful comparison. It frames their success as a result of persistence and dedication, rather than superiority. Words that describe their action B focused, steady, patient, consistent B help the child to view hard work as a valuable daily practice rather than a medal or fixed identity. 

Keeping the Tone Calm, Not Grand 

Overly grand praise (‘You are absolutely incredible!’) can provide a momentary rush of energy but may eventually lead children to seek constant external validation. A quieter, more measured tone is far more effective, as it teaches the value of inner satisfaction. Consider using phrases such as: 

• ‘You stayed patient while solving that problem.’ 

• ‘You handled that challenge with calmness.’ 

• ‘You took the necessary time to get it right, and that care clearly shows.’ 

These kinds of comments highlight valuable character traits over mere performance. They successfully affirm the effort while maintaining a composure that every child needs to mirror genuine humility. 

Making Success a Shared Value 

Hard work can easily become arrogant when children begin to feel that their success is entirely self made. To counter this, introduce the language of gratitude into your praise: ‘Alhamdulillah, your effort has truly paid off.’ Linking success directly to thankfulness softens any potential pride. This helps them remember that their abilities, health, and opportunity are all gifts from Allah Almighty, not merely self generated powers. You may also add: ‘Allah Almighty blesses those who strive sincerely, and I definitely saw that sincerity in your work today.’ 

Encouraging Reflection Instead of Simple Applause 

Rather than concluding with your compliment, gently invite your child to reflect on the process: 

1. ‘What part of that task was the hardest for you to manage?’ 

2. ‘What helped you the most to keep going through the difficulty?’ 

3. ‘How do you feel about yourself now that you have fully completed it?’ 

This subtle shift instantly turns praise into a dialogue. The child learns to find true meaning within their own effort rather than simply relying on others’ approval. This vital practice quiets the ego and cultivates inner accountability. 

A micro action you can implement: before offering praise, pause for just two seconds and notice precisely why the compliment feels deserved. If it is genuinely because of effort, patience, or integrity, verbalise that specific quality. If the impulse is merely to praise the final achievement, reframe your words toward the journey that led them there. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic perspective on hard work is exquisitely balanced: effort is noble, but it must always be guarded by humility. A believer’s striving gains its true worth only when it is anchored in gratitude and profound dependence on Allah Almighty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Qasas (28), Verse 77: 

‘And seek (to discover) from what Allah (Almighty) has bestowed upon you for the abode in the Hereafter; and do not forget your (true) functionality in this world; and show favour (onto others) as Allah (Almighty) has shown favour upon you…’ 

This powerful verse teaches us that one’s effort and subsequent success are divine gifts to be utilised for goodness, not for self glory. Even in the midst of dedicated hard work, humility must remain the foundation B recognising that all strength to strive originates solely from Allah Almighty. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 59, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘No one who has an atom’s weight of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise.’ 

This profound reminder is instrumental in helping parents keep their praise pure. It teaches us that even righteous deeds can diminish in value when inflated by pride. Therefore, when parents speak about hard work, their words should blend sincere admiration with deep humility: ‘Your effort was genuine, and I pray Allah Almighty increases your strength.’ Such phrasing successfully honours the striving while simultaneously keeping the heart bowed in gratitude. 

Children raised on this thoughtful language grow to view success not as proof of superiority, but as a sacred trust. They learn that effort is beautiful when it is sincere, humility is a strength when it is consciously chosen, and the quiet, grateful heart always shines brighter than the proud one.