Parenting Perspective 

It is a common scenario for siblings to measure and compare their contributions to household chores. When parents ask for help, children often respond not with quiet cooperation, but with sharp calculations: ‘I already did more than him,’ or ‘She never helps as much as I do.’ These conflicts rarely stem from laziness alone. At their heart lies a deep-seated desire for fairness, recognition, and value. 

The Fairness Instinct 

Children, especially siblings close in age, are finely attuned to what feels ‘equal’. If they sense that one is carrying more of the burden, or that their effort goes unnoticed, resentment brews. Fighting over chores is often their way of demanding acknowledgement. Parents can ease this by affirming both children’s efforts rather than focusing only on who finished first or who worked harder. A phrase such as, ‘I appreciate both of you for keeping our home together,’ redirects their energy from rivalry to shared pride. 

The Hidden Need for Recognition 

Often, a child’s protest is less about the chore itself and more about wanting to be seen. When parents consistently notice and thank one child, the other may feel invisible. Recognition does not need to be grand; even a simple nod of appreciation or linking their effort to the family’s comfort can soothe competitiveness. For instance: ‘Your sweeping gave us a clean space to pray,’ or ‘Because you both helped, we are ready earlier.’ This attaches significance to their efforts beyond simple comparison. 

Encouraging Teamwork Over Tally-Keeping 

Siblings tend to divide responsibility in ways that spark arguments. One might rush through a task quickly while the other works slowly but carefully, leading to accusations of unfairness. Parents can change this pattern by assigning tasks that require cooperation rather than competition. For example, one child can wash the dishes while the other dries, or one gathers the toys while the other arranges them on shelves. Shared tasks dissolve the urge to measure and foster the habit of working together. 

Modelling Unity as Parents 

If parents argue over household roles, children absorb that same negative energy. When children see their parents tackling chores together with patience, they learn that sharing the load is normal and dignified. Unity is not taught with words alone; it is mirrored in the daily rhythm of family life. 

A Small Micro-Action to Try 

Tonight, choose a single chore that requires teamwork, such as clearing the table. Give each child a distinct role within the same task, then thank them together, not separately. Say, ‘Because you both worked side by side, the table is ready so quickly.’ Over time, this joint acknowledgement helps them associate chores with unity, not rivalry. 

Spiritual Insight 

Sibling rivalry over chores may seem small, but it reflects a deeper human tendency to compete for recognition. Islam offers a higher vision: cooperation, mutual support, and the pursuit of good without jealousy. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashar (59), Verse 9: 

‘And as for those people who settled their homes (in Madinah Al Munawwarah) and (adopted) the faith before them; they love those people who emigrated to them; and did not harbour (any resentments) in their conscience, desiring what was given (to others); and giving preference over themselves, even though they were impecunious themselves; and whoever is salvaged from (the inherent state of) being miserly for himself, then they are the victorious.’ 

This verse shows the noble example of the Ansar, who not only shared but gave preference to their brothers in faith. Teaching children this spirit can soften their constant comparisons: responsibility is not about guarding one’s share, but about giving generously for the sake of harmony. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 66, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you will have faith till he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’ 

This Hadith highlights the core of true cooperation. For siblings, it means wanting fairness not only for themselves but also for each other. When a child learns that helping a brother or sister is an expression of faith, their perspective shifts from rivalry to reward. 

When parents consistently remind children that chores are not punishments but small acts of service, and when they model teamwork themselves, siblings slowly learn that responsibility is not a competition. Instead, it becomes a way of caring for each other, strengthening family bonds, and nurturing the faith that teaches us to love for others what we love for ourselves.